You hear it all the time on an airplane: “Put your mask on first before you assist others.”
Now, it’s great in theory, but do you really, honestly do this in actual life? Put yourself first, I mean.
Every time you put yourself first, you risk being judged as selfish. Ugg.
When someone asks you to do something, do you say things to yourself like: “Don’t be selfish… It’s only that one thing… Do it and get it over with…
Sigh.
When you do things for others and it’s your automatic response to “be a helper”, a slow grind of resentment can build up inside of you.
Maybe you do it out of guilt.
Maybe you do things so people will like you.
Maybe you do it because that’s how it’s always been done.
Or maybe you even do it because you don’t want to deal with the drama from the other person if you DON’T do it.
Consider that over-doing for others is simply a habit.
And to break a habit, you try something different, something new.
If you struggle putting yourself first, try saying no at LEAST once a day. It doesn’t matter what you say no to.
Maybe it’s saying no:
-to babysitting
-taking on an extra shift
-jumping on another committee
-helping your partner with the dishes
Pick anything and make a new habit of saying no.
The real work isn’t saying no and putting yourself first. It’s allowing yourself to feel all the uncomfortable feelings that come with putting yourself first.
It’s facing the guilt, pain, second-guessing, frustration, and shame that surfaces.
The REAL work is allowing those feelings to surface, sitting with them, and not trying to FIX how you feel.
Feelings come and go. Mastering discomfort for self-care (putting yourself first) is a worthiness conversation.
And you’re worth it.
Joy,
Dr. Shawne
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Empathy Equals Emotional Intelligence
Releasing Grip of Negative Emotions
