Ask your child what they want from you, and they’re likely to say “the newest iPhone” or “a pair of Jordans” or “to leave me alone and let me do whatever I want”.
They do in fact want these things, but there are a few unrecognized rewards that are significantly more valuable to their adolescent minds, most of which they don’t even understand they need or want.
The most valuable of them all is praise.
Praise is one of the best tools we have for facilitating shifts in behavior. Humans naturally love and respond to praise, a pattern that is heightened in your child.
When we receive praise for doing something, we tend to do more of it, all to get a little more praise. We do this, nine times out of ten, without thinking about it.
How, then, can we use praise to direct our children’s behavior? And how can grandparents support praise?
Use this simple rule of thumb: people follow the praise.
If your child is getting praised by peers for smoking cigarettes or tagging trains, they’re likely to do more of that. If they’re getting praised by you for acing their tests and making elaborate meals for the family, they’re likely to do more of that.
But what about when our children aren’t bringing home good grades, putting in effort around the house, displaying leadership qualities or shooting the game-winning basket?
What are some things we can praise them for other than a perfect performance?
Here are 40 things you can praise your child for other than performing perfectly:
1. Displaying effort / trying
2. Positive intentions
3. Clear communication
4. Timely communication
5. Vulnerable communication
6. Listening
7. Considering consequences before acting / making decisions
8. Considering other people’s feelings
9. Creating something awesome
10. Creating something new
11. Being decisive
12. Asking good questions
13. Asking for permission
14. Asking for support
15. Contributing their opinion
16. Contributing their money, time, or other resources
17. Reflecting on a certain topic or incident
18. Improving themselves or their performance
19. Improving someone else’s life
20. Supporting someone in accomplishing something
21. Supporting someone in a time of need
22. Good ideas / creativity
23. Completing a task or project
24. Good habits or discipline
25. Determination or persistence
26. Displaying good character
27. Setting goals
28. Meeting their goals
29. Displaying honesty
30. Displaying integrity
31. Display hope
32. Displaying passion
33. Displaying maturity
34. Displaying kindness
35. Displaying empathy
36. Displaying intellect
37. Displaying good friendship
38. Displaying leadership qualities
39. Displaying wisdom
40. Displaying resilience
Really consider the behaviors you’d like to see more of in your child and how you can leverage praise to create that result.
You could even keep a cheat sheet for yourself in your phone or wallet of things you can praise in your child and every chance you get, pick one off the list and fire some praise in their direction.
Watch their behavior shift before your very own eyes!
If inspired, please share.
Related Articles:
3 Practical Tips To Help Your Child Develop Good Judgement
Turning Your Kids or Grandkids’ Frustrating Behaviors into Their Greatest Strengths
