Many of you can relate to allowing yourself to feel grief.
I’m just starting to get acclimated to the overwhelming cancer losses of my mother, father, and sister just before we went into COVID lockdown. My life is so different.
I’ve been dancing with owning my sadness, claiming my losses and hoping someday I will feel “normal” again, whatever that means.
I found this writing by Mitch Davidowitz on LinkedIn and it deeply resonated to the depth of my soul. It’s simply breathtaking. Please share it if inspired.
“The road of mourning weaves around countless turns. If we attempt to speed through this journey, we find ourselves struggling more deeply.
While we might wish for a straight and predictable highway, the actuality of this trip is quite the opposite. Despite our need to order grief, it doesn’t move in an orderly sequence of stages.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in this area urged people to let go of that misconception.
When we are anchored in the moment, we can meet our sorrow when it knocks on our door. Do not shame yourself when you answer it. Your vulnerability is a legacy of love.
Grief is messy.
It doesn’t care about your ideas about its’ unfolding. We want to control it as we are frightened by the sudden and jarring whiplash of emotions.
All of this against the backdrop of the searing pain in our hearts due to the loss of someone we cherished.
Grief does not wait for someone to die. If they have Alzheimer’s disease, you mourn them daily. We grieve our dreams and the many other losses which whisper its’ sorrow.
Name yours. While there are no maps, there are ways to be on this road which will support your understanding and safe travel.
The most powerful of these is becoming a good “host” to our sadness. It is here that we befriend our pain rather than compounding it with resistance.
We are not who we were before our loved one died. When we accept this reality, we can hold space for our newly emerging self.
We must also let go of the calendar as a way to assess how we are doing. The seasons of grieving change on their own. It is the expectations of ourselves, others and the process that is the problem.
Do not insist that you must accept your loss before you are ready. That will evolve. When we compare our bereavement, we unnecessarily judge our “progress”.
Understanding that we grow old with our losses, we are not surprised by the resurgence of grief during meaningful events and milestones.
We need to allow ourselves to give the pain a voice. Finding those who can sit with the enormity of it without judgment or the need to fix us. Sharing our raw truth in the sanctuary of safety. Telling the story of who died in our life and the meaning they had is a profound way to honor our loss.
Allowing the tears of our soul to bleed freely. We need not be afraid to mourn. The storm that is moving through us will not always come with thunderous lightning.
Hold yourself with compassion. Allow the light of love to be with you in this most difficult of times. We are all mourning someone and something.
You are not alone.”
By: Mitch Davidowitz
If inspired, please share.
Joy, Dr. Shawne