Research shows that women are actually happier being single than men.
That’s because being in a relationship is harder work for women with more responsibility and less freedom to choose what best fits our needs. We take care of partners, kids, household, bills, activities etc.
With that said, some of us who are single also desire a life partner.
Writer Amanda Fernandez beautifully shares the essence of her sacred journey of embracing being single and being open-hearted to a partnership. Enjoy.
“This is probably one of the most vulnerable things I’ve ever written or shared in a long time, maybe ever.
Truth be told, single doesn’t always mean available, and for various, some not so obvious reasons, I hesitate on sharing or posting things like this.
Even so, here it goes, because let’s be honest, someone, somewhere needs these words and they to need to know that they’re not alone…
“Learning to accept my singleness has sent me into a different healing path, a deeper one. Quite the journey it has been.
After all, I’ve been by myself with my 6 kids for the last almost 11 years.
Now, for the most part, I’ve learned to be perfectly fine with my own company, and there’s been plenty of people in my life who I have Loved that have taught me the importance of independence and not ‘needing’ anyone. I’m still not sure how I feel about that last part.
As for want, well, that’s a horse of a different color.
Of course I want to Love and to be Loved in return. Who doesn’t?
I want to be kissed, held, talked with and listened to. I mean, it’d be nice to have someone to share my life with, cook with, dance in the kitchen with, to go on vacations with, etc.
I’m also not in a rush for this either. I needed to heal some things.
I most certainly don’t want to be an afterthought or put on the back burner or tossed up on a shelf for whenever, and if that was ever the case before it was my own fault for not demanding more, especially from myself.
And maybe I was meant to do the rest of this life by myself. Maybe I wasn’t. Who knows?
Suddenly, when everyone around me is coupled up and getting married and/or engaged, it’s hard not to wonder what’s so wrong with me.
My inner critic’s a real jerk sometimes. I’ve learned over time not to listen to her. She lies.
That being said, I won’t stay in that negative head space for very long. That’s not where I belong, and the thing about thoughts, is they move on pretty quickly if you let them.
My next thought is, ‘Woman, there ain’t nothing wrong with you.’
I know my heart is good, and one day, someone will Love all of me.
In the meantime, I will, completely.
I’ve been celibate/abstinent for nearly 8 of the 11 years that I’ve been by myself… a lot of healing needed to take place and I could only do that alone, on my own.
Has it been easy? Not at all. Necessary and worth it? Absolutely.
Sometimes, I wake up, or even at times during the day, I get so damn … mmm(I’m human) … and I’ll take a shower, or I’ll cry, or both, or start cleaning the house or writing or working out, or run to the grocery store, because I’m sure I need something; anything to get my body and mind going in a different direction.
The loneliness passes and it’s become easier and easier as time goes on…
I can’t help but wonder, though, if I’m simply becoming cold and indifferent, not caring about whether or not I’ll ever have a partner again, or if it’s something else. Time will tell.
I’ve been holding a lot of this in for a long time, and have spent many nights alone learning how to detach from expectations, of how I, ‘think,’ or wish things should or could be, and let go.
You’ll never know how freeing letting go can be until you do — Let go.
Here I am writing it out, embracing me in all of my sometimes awkward humanness, letting myself continue to feel, heal, understand, and grow.
Where it goes from here, God only knows.”
By: Amanda Fernandez
She needed a hero, so that’s what she became one.
Exquisite writing.
If inspired, please share.
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